i'm back

i got fed up with diaryland server. always telling me the 99% thingy... it doesn't feel good when u wanna write sth and u have to keep refreshing the page for dunno how many times.

nvm... seems heaven's against me recently. wellz. i think it's more because i 自作自受。 i belong to the few unfortunate percent to get lower score for sat when sitting for the second time... wellz... i can tolerate if verbal drags me down... but it was maths.... bleh...

and italy got a hard time in euro 2004... haix... hope they won't be sent back only after 3 matches.

i know i'm at a crucial point of time... but at this very time... i've lost my faith... i choose to escape... that very hope of mine was aroused again: let me fall asleep some day and never wake up...

i hope i can feel pain. feel anger. feel antagonism. feel hostility. feel hatred. but i can't. neither can i feel love, happiness, sense of achievement.

i've been depriving myself of feelings. let it be true feelings or hypocritic remarks. i have neither. my brain is empty, and it resists letting anything in or anything out.

在城里的人想出去，在城外的人想进来

---《围城》，钱钟书

i've always been asking for too much. again. i'm asking for hope. asking for feelings...

again...

城里的月光把梦照亮，请温暖他心房；
看透了人间聚散，能不能有点快乐片断？？？