把微笑留给伤你最深的人

时间会抹去伤痕，抚平痛楚，
或许，回头看看，转念想想，
这一切，
不一定都是她的错。

终于决定，把那只熊系在了笔袋上，
17岁那年的生日礼物；
去年18了，
甚至连一句祝福的msg也没有。
回头想想，
她有权利这样做。

我决定了面对，
一切的一切；
不去怪人，
也不怪自己。
真的，这几天来，
心情好了许多；
看到她，
心里也不是那么别扭了。

我们曾经intersect过，
但我们的dy/dx决定了分道扬镳的命运；
现在也许还能两两相望，
之后或许到死也见不到， as x approaches infinity.

过去的就让它辗转过去，不要一味回顾。

我想我也做下了另一个决定了。

shall i restart writing something on tissue papers? hehez

when i reached school this moring, the pencil case, math tys and calculator are still on the desk. yeah!!!

but mr lau is continuing confusing me about probability questions.

was almost turned into a photocopy machine during chem s... so sianz....

damn shit

i left my math tys, pencil case and one pad of a4 (withing three probability questions) on the ct bench!!! was hurrying to play badminton and forgot to put them in my bag!

worst case1: get swept out by the clean ladies and ended up in the dustbins somewhere

worst case2: someone just take the advantage and take them away. wellz, he probably don't have a math tys and are running short of pen inks and like my pencil case

better case1: get picked up by any classmates or juniors and return them to me tml

better caes2: those things spend a lonely and cold night at the ct bench and get picked up by myself tml moring

anyways, there is not best case... i'm not doing any tutorials tonight for sake of this.

if i can live my j1 again, i wouldn't have chosen s3

if i can live my sec 4 again, wouldn't choose to come to hc... hecks, heard rj is worse than hc lorz... bleh, so go poly...

if i can live my 初三 in china i again, would i still choose to come to singapore?

dunno.

jc is really a horrible place to live

and also a nice place to live

why?

coz the challenges daunt u.

coz there are jubilance after teh challenges.

however

the light a the end of a dark tunnel

is just an entrance to another impasse

the light is always in front

but it's beyond reach...

good teacher are leaving...

our physics lectures are dominated by thermometer chen, cs wong, and philip thomas some more.

can't they find better physics teachers to teach j2?

and chem is worse, the 勾心斗角 in apparently on the talbe

wat the hellz...

and i have been one of the victims for that 勾心斗角...

and math teachers are just amusing themselves.

they thought they are so smart... or else as blur as mdm yeo...

being lame, and innocent... maybe they know they are less skillful in this fight with super kiasu teachers from other departments...

and english department

only capable of mocking mr ang's faaaamily, and giving low marks to students... plus loads of work...

hehez, mdm toh is an exception... unfortunately she's a pious christian...... her value system and mine don't have line or even line of intersection in the vector space...

pe teachers... slack ones, are having lunch at canteen when we are sweating like hell in the hall, doing the stupid useless time-consuming exhausting silly unsightly work-out...

chinese teachers? no comment, cannot even make a fluent and cohesive announcement in chinese during morning assembly

pw tutors? wellz, either super slack or super enthu... their common trait is that they are strict dead-liners....... and blur ones also

one top of that, we also have the leader of the big faaamily which is so kiasu about exaaaminations... hehez, will the teachers seeing this expel me from school?

blehs, really miss chinese high in this sense

though mrs yeong can scold us for double periods, though mr ang can make people stand on the table, though mrs ng can get half of the class stoning outside the classroom, though mrs tay's voice can rock and shake the whole tower block, though 陈老师 always want us to 供奉字词表, though mr chong is still 'waducall'ing, though mrs sow is still not satisfied until perfection, though mrs khoo gives one test a week, though 王婉仪 is still blurring about chinese lit syllabus......

but they are hundreds and thousands of time better than the teachers here!!!

weekend is coming again. this time a long one... get jts also... hehez, i think my juniors quite 'filial'... treat us first. hacks, still get the stupid chem s tml afternoon...

和喜欢的女生在一起时，你必须要做到的


1 到她学校，一定要很早到，买好校门口的蛋饼等她。她给你吃，你一定要吃，否则她会生气。

2 对本市的路要很熟，一定要在四十几度的高温陪她逛街，而且要走一个下午，不能停。

3 爬山时一定要比她慢，要在她后面。下山时一定要牵着她的手。

4 在地铁里，一定要不顾一切地找她，她会坐在那里等你，静静的看着你朝她奔跑。见面后，一定要等上几列地铁，千万不能忙上车。在到站时要牵着她下车，这样她会有安全感。

5 送她回家时，眼神中要依依不舍，目送她的背影离去你才能走开，同时，心中要祈求她会回头。如果她真的回头，你也不要太开心。即使真的很开心，也不能表现出来。

6 对于花、茶、文学，总之她感兴趣的，你必须懂一点，这样她你们会有共同的话题，不至于每次都是她在找话题。

7 她说想你了，你就必须马上出现，不得有任何的借口和迟到现象。见过面后，如果你在回家的路上看到手机短信里看到她又想你了，你要跳下车，马上赶回去再见她一遍，要快！

8 骑自行车载着她的时候，要骑得慢，骑得稳，这样她会很满足的。记住，她是一个很容易满足的人，所以要尽可能的对她好，她是一个好女生。

9 去海边的时候，一定要带给她大海的声音，她会感动的，还有要尽可能多的带石头给她，答应她，要带着她去“天涯海角”，陪着她着坐在沙滩上看日落，一直到她在你怀里睡着。


10 要在她生日的时候，当着很多人的面，送她一枝玫瑰，这样她会感到很幸福

11 最重要的是，你要continual关心她，不仅关心表面上的她，还要关心内心深处的那个她。 从她的角度出发去想问题。如果她突然约你，那就说明她真的出事了。不要问什么事or为什么，见面后抱紧她，你要做的就是关心她，安慰她。这就够了。

12 在她面前要成熟，要有少年老成的样子，千万不要带有孩子气，这样会使她感觉像妈妈，而她最讨厌这样的感觉。否则你会让她感到很累，很失望。

13 ，在她和你讲话时，你要专心听，不要不耐烦 特别是她自对你讲述她的童年时，特别要注意，或许她受伤的心灵正希望得到你的抚慰。

14 如果你们两个人之间出现了什么问题，千万不要通过第三者解决，这样会把事情搅乱,你要主动去找她，记住要主动 ！

15 在她面前要多说她漂亮，声音很好听，尊重事实，不要说反话，女生们都是这样，而她也是一个普普通通的女生。

16 送她回家时，如果经过门口她说不想回家，那你千万不要再提“回家”，陪她去她的初中，陪她去黄兴绿地，总之不要再提“回家”， 直到她想回家了。

17 最后一点，要对她和你自己有信心。要相信这一点：glow=255,PINK,1]不管发生什么，你们彼此都深爱着对方,直到永远……[/glow]

putting aside probability, i have no tutorial to do now. finally can read a bit on the material engineering quiz... only started off with the first 60 pages... got 600 more to read... think john ng would kill me if he knows this.

haiz, and s-papers.... physics is more exciting than expected, esp. some of the contents today can be related to matrix and basis... of course only f. math people can see it... haha, fun, esp when there's no right or wrong answer for some of the questions.

mr loo is such a fool! he never put down the page no. 4 the tys questions... ended up half the time i was doing the chem tut i was looking for the questions.... sighz...

and was nearly frozen to death at lt3 today... really cold these days...

still got physics s questions to do. thought i'll do 2 tonight and leave the rest two for tml morningz...

2．You have been given the task of writing a short chapter in a sex education handbook for teenagers in your country to help them to understand their own bodies as they experience puberty. Read ‘The Chemistry of Desire’ (pp.32-37) and use the scientific data to provide useful and relevant information with a minimum of scientific jargon.

who can help me doing this?

just now wrote a lot of staff. then the internet access flawed when i pressed the post and publish button... the result:

i have to type them again!!!!

nvm, many things happend today

keyword 1: waiting
i reached acjc and 8, the sat test didn't start until 9:30
i reached yio chu kang mrt at 15:40, and didn't board on the bus to mdm toh's house till 5:10
total: 3 hours

keyword 2: raining
it's raining all day, torrential rain
luckily i wore sandals, thus no socks to be soaked

keyword 3: coldness
i even bring my jacket for sat

keyword 4: mdm toh's house visit
her two boys are so cute
we ate a lot of stuff, hehez
and received nice gifts

keyword 5: dinner at ming's house
food tastes very nice, even in the presence of xx and chris, who were crapping about cannibals, etc

keyword 6:
one word: sat
two words: sat sux
three words: 80 bucks wasted
probability of getting 1500+: 1/5^n, n>20, n=the no. of questions guessed
consequence: taking the second one to waste another 80 bucks to the us capitalists

was sitting opposite to a person when playing bridge. thought the line of protraction of my eyesight towards my cards was going off to somewhere else... embarrassed... sorry lorz...

anyways
taking 74 4 times today...
the same route ming goes to school everyday?
hehez, then she reaches school so early...
she wakes up so early...
hehez, rest well ming
and good luck finishing the food we left...

haiz.

i've been pissed off by many people, hehez, i'm contemptuous of them, but as time goes by i have to bear with them still.

sadly, many of them prcs. i live with them under one roof, even in the same hall. but i can do nothing, except enduring all their nonsense.

living in the same hostel enables me to scrutinize a person fully, and what do i see? there are more ugliness

hehez, maybe that's also what they see in me.

i've seen people laughint loudly at other's slightest mistakes yet are so ignorant of their own misdeeds

i've seen people thinking so high of themselves that they regard everyone else inferior

i've seen stereotypes and rumours completely ruined one's reputation

i've seen people smiling and flattering u in front of u, and begin maligning u when u turn ur back towards them

i've seen people who regards themselves as the most intelligent in the world, thus blaming all the test failures to misfortunes.

'i'm intelligent, thus i have less effort to put in.' their logic

i've seen people boasting how hard they play, yet stay up to 2 or 3 a.m. for mugging.

i've also seen people who play the whole day, yet scaring people, telling them how late/early they stay to mug.

i'm struck with the hypocrisy.

i booked the air-ticket last year with someone, the same flight,
and the someone called his parents telling them i was not going back.
hehe, cool man!

that's why in hostel, i seldomly speak.
i speak to myself more to anybody else

i'm on the brink of a black hole

i'm afraid i'll slip into it and never get out

出淤泥而不染，濯清莲而不妖。

or maybe, i'm just too sensitive, the world isn't as bad as i perceive....

“把微笑留给伤你最深的人”这是无意中看听到的一句话，当时就深深的记下了，这是多么坚强而又洒脱的人生，这其中要经历多少情与恨的情感交织。
男女之间从见面到心跳到两情相悦，再到彼此间出神入化的心灵呼唤，也许要走很长一段路程；而从一切不设防到万般柔情都化做一声千肠百结的叹息，也许只需短短一瞬。
当昔日的真爱以不存在，当情感的繁花以被冬雨打的残红飘零时，人们总习惯与停栖在爱情的树枝上低吟浅唱，不是心里仍眷恋着那份柔情，等待伤害自己的人回心专意，就是也决心以同样的方式实行报复，但这都是不明智不潇洒不可爱的。最恰当的方式就是微笑地向他道声珍重。
把微笑留给有负与我们的人，把泪水留给自己，把祝福留给有负与我们的人，把痛苦留给自己。没有较高的文化素养，没有对情感细微的洞察，没有对所爱之人发自内心的挚爱，谁能做到微笑告别？把微笑留给一般的朋友不易，给有负与我们的人更是难上加难，因为最伤害我们的人可能是曾经我们最深爱的人，付出的越多，被伤害时，心里越痛，然而我们不得不微笑，感情是件很复杂的事，我们不能勉强他人，相爱是理由有千条，不爱是，这千条理由一条也站不住，这其中的理由有谁能说的清？爱情无解，爱情无常，只能微笑以对，何苦扰了别人，又苦了自己？
两情若是长久时，又岂在朝朝暮暮。

十年之前　我不认识你　你不属于我

我们还是一样　陪在一个陌生人左右　走过渐渐熟悉的街头

十年之后　我们是朋友　还可以问候　只是那种温柔

再也找不到拥抱的理由　情人最后难免沦为朋友

直到和你做了多年朋友　才明白我的眼泪

不是为你而流　也为别人而流

sorry angel, i was napping when u said hello to me in the afternoon

hello darkness my old friend
i've come to talk with you again
because a vision softly creeping
left its seeds while i was sleeping
and the vision that was planted
in my brain still remains
within the sound of silence

slacking the whole day
wanted to study for sat
ended up...
playing all day

had beehoon for 3 meals today

dunno wat it will be like tml

the hostel is half empty

those couples all went out to pahtuo liaoz

leaving us 王老五s, pretending we're mugging

yar

we are mugging cs skills

happy cny! cheer up ming!

finally got to know who my angel is
hehez

10 pull-ups
one hour of badminton

my right arm is numbed now....

天蝎座的眼泪最惊天地、泣鬼神，不哭则已一哭惊人。平时无论大事小事，他们都少有用眼泪来代表什麽，只有真正痛到心里时，天蝎座才会不顾一切的大哭一场（而且会配合各种动作喔）。

read the lines below. r they true?
女孩子常用的双关语!
我们还是当朋友好了 (其实你还是有多馀的利用价值)
我想我真的不适合你 (我根本就不喜欢你。)
天气好冷喔，手都快结冰了 (快牵我的手吧，大木头！)
我觉得我需要更多一点的空间 (我不太想看到你啦！)
其实你人很好 (我不想跟你在一起。)
你人真的很好 (我真的不想跟你在一起。)
你人真的真的很好....真的 (猪头，离我远一点。)
我暂时不想交男朋友 (闪边啦!你还不到我心中帅哥标准的一半。)
我不想伤害我们之间的友谊 (我们之间也永远只会有友谊。)
你这样让我感到很尴尬 (我无法强迫自己说我不想说的答案。)
我的心中牵挂着一个人 (那个人是我特地虚设用来挡像你这种人的。)
朋友才是长久的，不是吗 (想当我男朋友，自己不照照镜子。)
我从来没想过这个问题 (这根本是不可能的嘛！别做白日梦啦 。)
我不适合当个情人 (废话，没有人会适合当你情人的啦。)
你给我时间考虑 (没给我时间，我怎麽跑得掉....)
我不可能变班的 (虽然理由很烂，不过挡你绰绰有馀啦。)
我们的距离太远了 (当个朋友就不错了，还想有的没的。)
你的条件真的很好 (你的条件真的还没好的我想要的地步。)
可是...这样好怪..真的很怪 (你这丑八怪..怪成这样还想吃天鹅肉？)
我觉得男女之间是真的有纯友谊的 (对，没错，我如你之间就真的只可能有
友谊。)
坐的机车可以呀，骑机车很方便的 (穷小子，没汽车还敢来接送我。)
但你的温柔我会铭记在心的 (情圣！光温柔是没用的，还需要钱钱..)
其实我一直没有勇气接受你 （看到你差点吓死..哪里还有勇气？）
你真可爱 (你真幼稚。)
你真的很可爱 (你真的很幼稚。)
你真的是超级可爱耶 (猪头！不要像小朋友一样黏啦！)
遇到你，总会让我重温童年的快乐 (感觉就像阿姨遇到小弟弟一样。)
我觉得你很乖耶 (穿得俗不拉基的，一看就知道跟你出去不好玩。)
我们应该给彼此一点缓冲时间（给你时间滚！你再不走，我真的会翻脸！
）
上次迟到真的很不好意思 (先迟到给你看，下次我绝对不会到 ！)
别人都说你条件不错耶 (我从来没这样认为过。)
如果我们早一点认识就好了 (说不定你会早点觉悟。)
别急嘛，我们可以先作朋友 (我可以趁这个时候找男朋友。)

flying without wings
soaring without feathers
smiling without dimples
crying without tears
stoning without expression

i think therefore i am

hehez, ming, i'm not purposely 跟你作对. hmmz, i'm thinking too much again, is it?

if i have a million dollars,
i'll reserve 300,000 for my future education
100,000 for my parents to pay the mortage loan of my home
100,000 for my 外公外婆 to live in a more comfortable place
buy myself a md, a bike, a good webcam (hehez), what else?
then the rest goes to the kids in yunnan......

but i don't have a million dollars.

is having a webcam a sign of richness? hehez, don't think so.

my family's financial status may be quite ok in china. but when the number gets divided by 5, u know what will happen.

i think i'm going to stay in singapore after the As,

UK universities are for those aristocratic people. bus fee is counted in pounds... sheesh... wat the hellz

US?? hehez... the visa officials won't give u a pass lahz. immigrant officials of us are the most unwelcomed batch of people in the world. dunno one out of tens or hundreds chinese citizens can get a visa approved.

singapore citizens can go us without a visa is it?

hehez, and there is still this faint and distant dream of scholarship.

wat the hell, flipping through the scholarship booklet, the most common clique is
FOR SINGAPORE CITIZENS AND PRs ONLY

hehez, just stay here, small but cosy place.

曾经，有一段美好的爱情摆在我的面前，
可我没有珍惜，等到失去的时候才追悔莫及；
如果上天给我一个机会，再来一次的话，
我会对这个女孩说：我爱你...

(movie version)
如果要给这份爱加一个期限的话
我希望是，一万年。

(my daydream)
但到后来，我会让你失望，
离开我，你会找到更好的。

(画外音）
如果两个人中一定有一个人要受伤的话，
我希望那个人是我；
但正如作用力一定会产生反作用力，
我又怎能保证她就不会被伤到呢？

internet, phone... 我的房间终于有了一点家的感觉。

getting a fixed line phone in two weeks time. changed my hp plan to 30 minutes and 700 sms just now... and much cheaper... hehez, will let everyone know my room phone no. as soon as possible

hehe, finally got internet.

and later at some time my room will get phone... hehez, shared with my roommate... cheap... hehez.

what i see makes what i feel?

OR

what i feel makes what i see?

if i know nothing, i'll be innocent and carefree and etc

if i know everything, i'll be saying yi qie jin zai zhang wo

but i'm right in the middle.

time's eating my life away.

some key words recently
1. broadband
kind of getting it fixed. the singtel people r coming on friday, then i can have internet access in my own room. my junior's laptop will be the server, shared among four people. not that cheap, but still acceptable

2. fixed line phone
my roommate's considering getting a fixed line phone in our room. coz he thought he's handphone bill's sky-rocketing... flirting with too many girls... rich girls who always call instead of msging. hehez, anyone reading this pls don't tell s6a people about this... or i'll get killed...

3. handphone.
sort of thinking of getting another handphone. thought about that in china. but there the price a bit more exp. than here. also considering changing a plan. my promotion plan's going to end soon. but no ideal plan has entered my eyesight. have to wait and see.

4. juniors
the most exciting thing is that we finally get juniors, though with an uncomfortable ratio of girls to guys and locals to prcs. anyways, lucky to have juniors already

5. angel-mortal
that's the natural consequence of having juniors. me quite lucky has got 3 letters. i think by the end of the week i can know my angle... and the juniors now so IT inclined. printing letters instead of handwriting

6. orientation
the war game impressed me most. almost wanted to jump down to join them. s3 rox! trident stones!

7. campfire
climax of orientation. though this year the pa/ava not that successful and the acoustics got some problem. but still fun. realised i can do both guys and gals' pattern in the couple dance. inviting partners to try out with me... hehez. sadly every year could not enjoy the song session, had to hysterically shout out our poor voices.

8. sat
the damned sat will be taking place on the 24th. screwed up. can't be bothered to look at the wordlist. surly to take the second one

9. cny
because cny sat is on 24th, i won't be enjoying the cny which falls on about 21st

10. ssef
stupid science and engineering fair. nvm, got representation points... not aiming for achievement.

11. s2
s2 is gone. sad. hope it can rebirth like the phoenix this year

12. scandals
with a new group of juniors, we r looking for new scandals

13. issues and ideas
nightmare. education seems must produce leaders. then who'll be the follower? the world doesn't need that many leaders. still remember the vice president of china speaking to a plumber: we r just doing different jobs. leadship is not everything.

war game was fun. and trident won!!!

time's passing quite boringly. but got a few things to do also. jan 24's sat... i was put into acjc as smu is full... luckier than my roommate who thought american school is near and put it as his first choice. now he has to go to woodlands for the test...

hez, and the juniors. 15 prcs... 8 gals... hehe, no a good combi... even worse than 32 last year. haiz, and the prcs all from duman and don't know what schools.... sheesh, only one chinese high prc and that one is famous for his silence and withdrawn character... personally, if u let me grade the prcs from different school, i'll put tchs, ny and rgs as the first class... hehez, maybe i'm just too biased.

thought my own juniors would have a good relationship with the locals, just as what they did in chinese high... but realised not. they even didn't turn up for the telematches and etc... hehe, maybe they r too disappointed with the look of the girls in their classes (one of them indeed put that as a reason). hehez, after two years of segregation from girls, they need to adjust... esp when all the gals in their classes r locals... but... don't have to be like that lah.

people r saying i got the chiouest girl in our junior class as my mortal... haiz, unfortunately i'm not a person with that kind of sharp taste... i can immediately recognise a 'dinosaur' girl, but i'm not a good judge of chiouness. i find that i 'm giving less attention to the outlook of the girls.

hahaz, but i'm indeed lucky. both my angel and mortal are girls... the probability is only 8/14 times 8/14.

chatting online, i feel the keyboard beneath my fingers are more real than the words appeared on the screen.

answering phone calls, i feel the cell phone in my hand is more real than the voice in my ear.

anxiety

i have to convince myself of something, but i don't even know what the 'something' is.

我是在等待一个女孩
还是在等待沉沦苦海
一段情默默灌溉
没有人去管花谢花开
无法肯定的爱左右摇摆
只好把心酸往深心里塞
我是在等待你的回来
难道只换回一句活该
一个人静静发呆
两个人却有不同无奈
好好的一份爱啊怎么会慢慢变坏
冷冷的冰雨在脸上胡乱的拍
暖暖的眼泪跟寒雨混成一块
眼前的色彩忽然被掩盖
你的影子无情在身边徘徊
你就像一个刽子手把我出卖
我的心彷佛被剌刀狠狠地宰
悬崖上的爱谁会愿意接受最痛的意外
最爱的女孩