forgot the oxidation number method during chem test. then remembered after that. nowadays really forgetful. anyway the time was somehow too tight.

and math questions are getting harder and harder. quite worried lah. hope can make some improvement in the last week before promo.

i'm getting to school earlier these days, around 7. hehe, but kq is still the earliest one. sheesh. if i want to overtake her, maybe i'll have to wake up around 5:30. never mind lah, she's index no. 1, so let her be the first. i'm index no.26, should be the last one. hehe, i've caught up with 24 other people. :)

really, i find it quite good to get up early and go to school early. i can take my time to brush my teeth, etc, and the canteen then was almost empty. there's no need to rush and i can finish my breakfast leisurely. can also get a seat at the ct bench and talk to the classmates before the flag raising, instead of arriving at the central plaza at the eleventh hour. and it gives me a good mood for the whole day, then i don't have to be always tortured by the presence of her, etc, whatever.

yups, and my biological clock is adapting quite well with this routine. haha, for the next year i'll be doing the same thing.

sleep early, and get up early. wow!!

Physics tutorials are so slack. Math A also. realised that i have forgot too much things. hehe, have to mug hard.

hehe, forgot to tell xuanyou that i'm also reading his blog.

what is love, and what is hatred?

to me, there is no difference. if emptiness is the axis of rotation, the love provides the clockwise moment, the hatred provides the anticlockwise moment. and emptiness is in rotation equilibrium.

of course there are grey areas, so we can extend the principle of equilibrium: the sum of clockwise torque = the sum of atnticlockwise torque.

there's no love or hatred. human beings call something love, and something hatred. for some reason they think love is good and hatred is bad.

but on another planet, the people there may just think the inverse.

i believe their is infinite energy in a vacuum, because u can see it as a set of continous collision between particles and antiparticles.

in ancient china, a philosopher named zhuang zi had a dream that he had become a butterfly.

when he woke up, he asked himself: is he a butterfly in his dream or is he in the butterfly's dream? nobody knows.

what is life? what is death? what is before life? what is after death? nobody knows, because no one went there ever comes back to tell us about that.

hehe, i think i can be a cult leader, hehe.

but i'm just a human. i can never achieve that kind of forgiveness, emptiness. i've never tried to surpass myself completely.

they say that if u what to be a top jian4shi4, u have firstly to forget the sword in ur heart.

universe started from the big bang 20 billino years ago. people ask who 'created' the little dot for the big bang.

i think their is a simultaneous big bang, but all of antiparticles. just envision that there is another 'u' in another world, who looks or even think the same as u. but when u two meet, u two will both disappear, releasing some photons or postrion?? (forget the name).

yups, i believe in parallel universe.

newton wasted his second half of life, trying to prove the existence of God.

i'm not anti-religion here, but what will a scientist do if he discovered that the universe is just there, without any founder, yet he strongly believed someone superior created the whole world?

we don't know the truth, because we are part of it.

finished pw 2nd draft. haha. then can concentrate on revision liao.

yucks, tonight got chinese national day celebration. the actual day is on october 1st, but that's a week day. so shift the celebration forward. hehe, have to enjoy then. oct 1st is also national day, i suppose. hehe, the teachers in chinese high always give us chocolates and lollipops on that day. hehe, so fun.

sheesh, another weekend. dunno how much work i shall do

my brain was totally shut down during math lecture. they give a line equation, and i thought it was a plane... haiz.

i have an omninous feeling about our pw. kenny didn't come today. can finish 2nd draft this evening, provided songsong can give me his survey part. but everything's just not that smooth, esp the application part. they want specific measures. how can we provide such things to iraq? we cannot just find a nominate a general secretary special representative, right?

chem was ok, except cannot remember all the conditions or organic reactions. ionic equilibrium is just those equations. i'm more worried about chemical bonding. stupid loo. almost finished first round. next will do tys mcqs. leave the structured for A-level.

and today started hydroxyl compounds. ooi's lecture. have to go back and read book. i've read before but all forget now.

i always bring gp bulletins these days, but never had a chance to read, sigh

actually went to school quite early, and everybody just seemed surprised. i tuned my alarm clock to 5:45, then slacked for a while and got up around 6:10. took my time to brush my teeth, take a bath, etc. hehe, and went to school to read up notes on organic chem. felt quite shuang. have to keep it up.

thanks, khai.

yups, today turned out to be better than expected. at the beginning was a bit down, but got better and better. spoke a few words with HER today during maths, discussing questions. yups. she's my friend; i hate her.

i don't think i need to mind myself to hate her anymore. she is she and me is me. why i have to bother so much?

read this week's horsorscope on i weekly. quiting accurate. i have to care more on other's feelings, have to handle emotional setbacks gingerly. but they also say can achieve academically. hehe. wait and see.

registered for festival sports today. badminton and basketball. i think our class badmintion quite strong if other cts don't have many team players. at least can beat 32. they have half the class for badmintion.

but songsong not very enthu on basketball. we are not that good, but who knows? each ct only have at most 2 upper class player, there are enough 不确定因素. anyway it's not all about winning.

other classes only have one event not registered, but our ct got 3. why? just not enthu. why? sn, lihuey, hongyi and HER and hadi just did not take part, and bingfang not very enthu also. please lah, just participate mah. it's fun, u know.

i think 32 is good. they have many prcs but they all take part. but look at the prc gals in our class...

sheesh, let's not mess up other's business.

thought can get air ticket today. but hongyi never called to check, and we are told to wait till saturday. what a disappointment.

promised fenniu's group to lend my laptop to them for tomorrow to do pw. haiz. don't know what my group members will think. sheesh. but have to keep the promise.

asked zengwei to shorten the lessons learnt part a lit. and he really did a bit. entire thing shortened by 12 words. sheesh. have to cut down to 600 myself. the application is now 500 words plus, and evaluation 450. have to urge songsong and kenny do their work. especially songsong on the survey.

another week passed. left with one and half week to promo.

i'm very excited over going back to home, the kind of excitement never experienced in the past two years. last year and the year before i just felt nothing about going home. it's like a routine for me or my parents will not be happy. but this time, i'm so eager to see them and spend time with them!

yucks, but im a bit worried. i worry about putting on a mask again in front of my ex-classmates and teachers. i've changed so much, not physically but psychologically, yet they still think i'm the old me. what shall i behave then? luckily most of my exclassmates are in universities in other cities. but then i'll have no one to talk to and play when i go back. and i don't want to see her often. yups, just stay at home lor. anyway my home is at the suburb.

i'm considering going to my grandparents' house in She Xian, a small county at the foot of Huangshan. very good scenery there. and i've not seen them for three years. i feel i'm the true me there, where the water is clean, mountain is green, sky is blue, cloud is white, and people are nice. that's not a very developed place, not very much disturbed by the outside word. a shi wai tao yuan somehow.

reminds me of shangri-la, yun nan. that's also a nice place. i like the air their. one third less oxygen than normal, but fresh and natural. still remember the kids there, who have to toil over several mountains on their way to school.

i think everyone should go to the underdeveloped places to have a look, then they'll realise how priviledged they are to live such a good life. a pair of adidas shoes can support their 6 years of primary school education, yet every year more than 10 percent of the students there have to quit school, because of no money.

they never had a taste of soft drink in their life. when we bought them the drinks, they gave them back to us during dinner. i felt like to give them everything i had with me, and i almost did. and they also want to leave something for me. a 50 cents coin, renminbi. for that they'll probably have to starve for a day.

why? r they less fortunate than us? maybe yes, maybe no. we've lost many things in order to live a comfortable life, but we just don't know. everyday we complain about this about that, but they just take it easily. they live a simpler life.

while u r using the computer, player ur electric guitar, eating ur Mcdonals's burger, etc, etc, ur money spend otherwise may enable a student in yun nan to complete one year of education. whenever i think of this i feel uneasy.

treasure every enjoyful moment, treasure every opportunity, treasure every cent u have.

booked the air ticket today. 610 bucks. nov 18 to jan 1.

initially wanted to go for tag. but it'll be too late when it finished. i want to spend more time with my parents.

feel very relieved, also very happy. it seems that i'll go back home soon. sort of homesick.

and i recieved an important msg today. but don't know how to reply. i felt very sorry for her, but again i'm not good at comforting people. or she just doesn't need that.

and finally, i'll be having my 18th birthday with my parents!!

i studied this morning! how amazing. usually on saturday i wasted the whole day wandering here and there, watching tv, etc. haha, but this morning i woke up to finish my last bit of physics on fluids tutorial and revised a bit on vectors and scalars, newton's law and kinetics. hehe. went to my sec 4 juniors' room to study. they're preparing their prelims, so that i'm not that lonely.

haha, downloaded 遇见,晴天,春泥and etc's music video. so shuang.

PO sux. almost cannot do a single question. yup, i know a bit on every topic, but i cannot remember all the formulae.

PW sux. effectively have to rewrite and reorganize more than half the report.

P sux, since PO and PW both start with P.

Yucks, i think the only chance i can go into PO is to do extremely, extremely well in promos. hehe, not impossible, but not that hopeful.

anyway, physics is not my favourite. i just went there for enrichment. yar, and indeed it enriches me quite a bit. at least i can crap something on relativity, quantum physics... but if goes further, i'm like an idiot.

have to do well in promo. should get 4 As, or my whole year can be considered as wasted. have to calm down a bit during FM and physics tests. i only underperform during these tests. and chances are, if i do not underperform, i will overperform. still remember in china i can get only 86 out of 150 in the entry exam to the daqiao. hehe, then i could get 141 in a similar exam to another secondary school. sheesh.

but have to revise a lot. must read the notes word by word.

weekend again. mug, mug, study, study... and should also spend one afternoon play some ball games. usually in holidays, my priorities are like: 1. sleep, 2. sports, 3. study... yups, and i'm that 大考大玩,小考小玩 type. hehe, most people may either think i'm mad or i'm lying. but that's the truth. 别人笑我太疯癫,我笑别人看不穿. i'll achieve better without the exam system. but that's only my ideal world. sheesh.

i like yanzi's 遇见. so sad she's taking a break for one year. nmv, she's not young lor, should get married... hehe.

听见 冬天的离开 我在某年某月 醒过来
我想 我等 我期待 未来却不能因此安排
阴天 傍晚 车窗外 未来有一个人在等待
向左 向右 向前看 爱要拐几个弯才来
我遇见谁 会有怎样的对白 我等的人 他在多远的未来
我听见风 来自地铁和人海 我排着队 拿着爱的号码牌
我往前飞 飞过一片时间海 我们也常在爱情里受伤害
我看着路 梦的入口有点窄 我遇见你是最美的意外
终有一天 我的谜底会解开

maybe someday i'll meet someone who can solve my puzzle.

hehe. today is a short day. no pw on wednesday! hehe, can go back after 2:15. but i went to see my srp mentor. it was drizzling at hc, but by the time i reached NUS it was raining cats and dogs. stupid, should have borrowed umbrella from council. nvm, just chiong in the rain. handed in the report. the mentor said 'u have done a good job.' i said 'thanks', but can't helping doubting it. hehe, it's quite labour intensive work lah, so should deserve some accolade lor.

didn't finish my GP essay today. i've got an excuse: not enough time. hehe, before the bell rang i know i couldn't finish. i can choose either don't write conclucsion or skip one content para. what i did was half half. dunno. if i don't have conclusion, dunno what will happen. if i skip intro, my essay will be 'unbalanced' and the content mark will be low. hehe, nvm, 听天由命.

yar, after i handed my report to my mentor, i walked out of his office and found the rain had stopped. i was sad, coz i wanted to walking in the rain the the bus stop, the heavier the rain the better. then took a bus to coro and bought some stuff to eat. when i'm not 爽 i tend to eat. but i never get fat coz i always eat the unnutritious one, like 榨菜, 柠檬片, etc. but today i bought a 200g pack MM chocolate......

if i want to cry, i would rather cry in the rain, coz i would not tell whether the rainwater of my tear blurs my vision.

as i chiong to my mentor's office in the rain, i was reminded of one vcd i watched almost 3 weeks ago. a korean movie. there is such an episode: it was raining. a man saw a girl who he secretly loves taking a shelter under a tree. then he asked his female companion whether she's got umbrella and got a no answer. then he gave his unbrella to her and chiong to the tree to meet the girl. haha, and the girl thought it was a coincidence. but the girl also somehow secretly like the man, but being shy she wanted to get out. then the man asked her where she's going. she replied library. then the guy took off his whatever windbreaker/jacket/coat... and offered to accompany her to the library under the special 'raincoat'. of course the girl felt very sweet and nice... and they ran all the way there, to the library, and the girl complaint in her heart that the libray is too near, blah, blah.

i'm not good at description, the movie is named 不可不信缘, quite a touching, romantic comedy.

but quickly i realised i cannot be that guy. firstly, i don't have a girl's heart. secondly, i was wearing school uniform, and i didn't brought windbreaker with me. thirdly, i didn't have an unbrella to be given to someone else.

==================================================

and today's physics lecture was boring. instead i finished writing my cheat sheet for thermal physics. haha.

didn't blog yesterday. no time mah.
today went library to print my srp report. will give to my mentor tmr.
and had a netball match with a14. we lacked a bit of preparation, both mentally and physically. actually the accuracy of shooting is not bad, but we did not get that much chances. lack a centre who can organised the attacks.
after the match we played for another while. it was mad. and i got my excess energy unreleased in the match released by running off the whole court for most of the time. haha, sorry ml, bf, zhen hua, bing fang. i should not have blocled ur passes/shootings. dunno know why lah, but i did it purposely. yar, purposely. thought it was funny, but not so actually.
and the days without ccas are great! i have 4 ccas and i think by now i've all got above 80% attendance. hehe, such an accomplishment. so have more time to study for promos and mug for the olympiads. PO selection test is on thur and fri, but i haven't started reading the notes yet. anyway can understand but cunt do the Qs. relativity and quantum physics is interesting, but they'll set Qs on EM field, alternating current, rotational momentum, etc. hehe, i'm just not good at newtonian physics. nevermind, just try my luck lor, luckily get MCQ, so wont' get 0 marks.

my srp mentor replied! yeah yeah, and he said the report was generally ok, and only minor corrections are needed to be done. haha.

and yesterday after dinner went to play basketball again. like the days after O-level, when i played basketall from 8am to 8pm. haha, im not a very good player lor, but not too bad either. and we practiced some shooting, from 0 degree, to 45, then free throw. i got six out of then in for my free throws. then we played two vs two, half court. wanted to play full court! could be very shuang then, but just had the dinner, so couldn't run much. but quite interesting. we played 5 balls a game. coz everyone shoots quite accurately, the result is either 5-0 or 0-5 lor.

but the evening was very much wasted lor. coz xinyuan called and ask me to play cards. i didn't want to go. it's just he and his girlfriend had nothing to do, and they wanted to play lor. but xinyuan was so 烦, and i'm just not good at saying no. haiz. played till 10:30 at blue tea. they still wanted to play, but i just lied to them that i wanted to watch 倩女幽魂 lor, haha. but i indeed watched a bit. and bingfang was the other victim. she wanted to do homework lor, but then xinyuan's powerful gf just dragged her done.

and today's maf in hc! i'm definitely going, but going for what? dunno. just 凑热闹。heard from the seniors that council actually sent e-mail to every old boy or old girl. no wonder so many people will come.

yesterday was the rightful MAF. but it was raining around dinner time. i did not closed my windows and my bed got a bit wet, and so were my chem, physics textbooks, so on. but now too bad, it was not flooding. hehe, and we hang lanterns on to the windows of our study room! so beautiful! and some girls even paused in front of our block to look at the lanterns! haha, then we swithced off the lights... i think the hostel has switched off the fire sensors. haiz, but our 不懂事的 sec 3 juniors wanted to study... sec 3 only mah. i remember when i was sec 3 i was playing like hell... 一代不如一代。and one of my sec 4 junior even took an binocular to look at the girls downstairs. and when my roommate went down to talk to one of his 学妹, the sec 4 guy even get somehow jealous... i think he's 饥渴过度。no need to be like this mah. we weren't like that last year, u know? 一代不如一代. haiz. don't know what went wrong with my juniors. one sec 3 guy can wear chinese high uniform shirt and another pair of sports shorts, and he even tucked the shirt in! the most horrible one is that he wear that kind of 长筒丝袜。变态呀！！！yar lah, better that is black lor. then we told him to wear that down for dinner, and we'll pay him 5 dollars. hehe, of course he didn't. haiz, doubt what kind of underwear he wears

wanted to go to school to study today, but it was pouring outside now.
my srp mentor hasn't replied me yet.
and yucks, _fallen i thought i left smth on ur tagboard before, under the name of flying right?
hehe, nvm. anyway i'm not reading ur blog now. haha.

finally finished my srp report in the moring! can send to my mentor today! hope it's ok.

Wrote all these below yesterday. maybe i'm just too bored. 没事找事。but since i've told myself to put them on, i'll just put them on. maybe i'll just another time of impulse, but i have no intention to erase it. anyway it's just part of growth. haha, i hope the readers will not be scared.

Just listened to 933. 音乐日记。Quite touching, esp. the story is quite similar to mine. the girl at first rejected the guy because she had a boyfriend. then later when she was dumped by the boyfriend and wanted to start a relationship with the guy, the guy refused her. blah, blah, they like each other, for sure, but they kept rejecting each other. they're just too unsure about each other's feelings, and themselve's too... and the ended up... nothing.

it makes me recall SHE. i avoided any attemmpt to restart our relationship because i thought she had a boyfriend, and i didn't want her to be agonizing about how to talk to that guy. then, when i realised i still like her and told her, she rejected with the reason that she did not want to break up with her boyfriend...

the girl in the radio says she won't try to contact the guy anymore. time and again i've made such decisions, and i also told HER about my decision and she also agreed. but after all we still msg each other. each time i received her msg, her call, or saw her, my heart is bleeding, but yet i am that eager to meet HER, to talk to HER.

until from one day on, i was able to see her every day. not till then i realised that the HER only exists in my dreams, and the dreams broke up part by part, and so is my heart. she is so cool to me. may be i'm as equally cool as her. dunno.

我曾以为自己不会很快忘了她，忘去这段感情，后来却发现，伤痛比想象的容易忘记。
我曾以为一个人一生爱过一个人就足够了，后来才发现，天长地久只是小说家们的专利。

可是，我还是宁愿相信天长地久。我觉得这是人类内心深处最善良，最纯真的愿望。我不愿去放弃它，因为如果我放弃了，我也只是一个空有躯壳的人罢了。

可是，我希望我可以和别人不一样，到头来却是一次又一次让自己失望，让别人失望。

我问自己，如果她现在和我表白，说要和我在一起，我会怎样回答呢？

我会回答不，和音乐日记里的男生一样。我累了。

但她会伤心吗？会吧。有多伤心呢？我不知道。

我用什么理由去拒绝她呢？

我觉得自己真的很自恋，到这份上了，还在幻想她会回心转意。

只是，现在无论哪个女孩想我表白，我都会拒绝的，就算是我喜欢的人。

我怕我做不到，怕我做得不够，怕我会说说而已，怕我会没有行动，怕我会对越喜欢的人越冷淡，怕我会伤了她的心，怕她会伤了我的心，怕自己会伤了自己的心。

我怕我会对感情不认真。

SHE told me friedship outlast relationship, and she'd be proud if i can eventually be her life-long true friend.

i replied no. i said we'll never be that kind of true friends.我说我们太不同了。每次我向左走，她就向右走。如果两个人一直向同一个方向转，最后还会回到原点。但对于我和她来说，只会越走越远。

其实，我还有另一个理由，没有和她说。
人是有记忆的。发生过的事，就没法忘记。一切的一切，都没法忘记。我没有办法带着这段记忆去作她的真心朋友。也许时间会稀释往事，但却无法洗刷它们的痕迹。

我的心里有个结，这些只是结的一部分罢了。我真的希望有一天有人能解开这个结。

可前提是，那个人能让我说出心中所有的结吗？

我自己都不行。太乱了。

i'm supposed to put it on my blog. i dunno why i want to write all these and put them on. they r supposed to be my secret feelings. but somehow i want someone to see. man is such a ironic animal. i used to think i did't feel loneliless, coz from childhood i've got used to it. i don't have brothers or sisters. my grandparents live in other cities, far from wuxi. my parents are not wuxi locals. i cannot speak wuxi dialect. every time school was over i had to go home and do my homework, alone, coz my parents didn't come back till 5 plus, while my counterparts were either under the care of their grandparents, or playing with other kids. my whole primary school life was under the shadow of another boy who topped the class for the whole 6 years. the teachers did not like me, coz i seldomly talk, and seldomly 打小报告 to them about other people's misbehaviours. and i didn't like the teacher. i refused to run the election for the class committee. the situation in 大桥中学 was better. i didn't expect to be the teacher's pet, and i don't want to be, always. but just want to have a fair environment. and i somehow did it, made my way to singapore. but i was just equally untalkative. and i feel equally lonely, and i just thought loneliness is a fiend of mine. my best and worst friend so far.

and i'm living a strange life now. i'm constantly changing my mask. one in front of HER, one for my classmates. one for my hostelmates. one for my ex-classmates in china. and maybe one for myself? the only time i don't have to do make up is when i face my parents, though something, like those i've written above, cannot be shown to them coz i don't think it's the right time. but every year i spent too little time with them. too sad. if i spend more time with them, i'll take the time to tell them all about this, especially my mum. but i don't have time.

i think they know the 'thing' between HER and me. i've told them the scandals and showed them my ex-classmates' 'best wishes for ZX and ...' on their new year cards. and they should oso have learnt a bit through the 八卦 parents of some people here. i never consider myself a wuxinese, anyway. and i dunno where my root is. my parents, grandparents, great grandparents and their ancestors have travelled almost the whole china before my father and mother settled down in wuxi. and i'm in singapore now. i think it has something to do with genetics.

yarr, i think my parents know a bit about my 'emotional life'. but they kept quiet. i know it's because they trust me. they also know that they are too far away from me and 山高皇帝远 they cunt do anything if anything really happens. i don't want to abuse their trust. if i really think i cunt cope, i'll just tell them the whole thing.

and i have a feeling that they r going to talk to me on this when i go back this year. yarr, and i'll tell them if they want to know. they care for me.

i'm thinking of letting other people to know this blog, since i'm also reading the blogs of others. yucks, i should learn from iahk. i cunt just peep other's life in my dark, secret corner.

but i dunno if it is suitable to let them know such things. somehow i hope all who visit my blog are totally strangers to me.

today is teachers' day in china. happy teachers' day to all teachers who have taught me, and all others who had taught me in one way or another, though they are not called teachers.

i think compared to my classmates, i've been slacking these two days. have to get some work done.

and singapore got another sars case. then who denies, then it seems sars virus has mutated. dunno. boarding school just called for all visited SGH in some period to report to general office. haiz.

finally get my halogenoalkanes done this morning. tutorials all done. yeah!!

just returned from playing basketball. three guy play full court! so cool. we also practised how to stuck the ball between the loop and the rebound. haha, and managed to jump high enough to struck the ball down. quite an achievment, since i'm not that tall. after all also did some shuttle runs, pull ups, so on. think i'm mad lor. hehe.

have to hurry up on my srp report. others already handed in final draft liao. these two days haven't touched on any work. sigh... have to jia you liao!!

went to play basketball yesterday evening. alone. so just practise shooting lor. but at first couldn't get the ball in. it was dark, 7 plus, and the alumni people hadn't come to turn the lights on. and suddenly realised quite hungry, though had dinner just now. dinner sux, lor, couldn't eat much. then decided to walk to coro shopping. so weired, just hide the ball somewhere near the basketball court and went. it was so cool! and realised i somehow belong to the darkness, coz i found it so comfortable in it. walk down past the old hostel. they're demolishing it. cranes and bulldozers. wonder why they are still doing it at night. they are going to building something for the through train development, i think.

initally i was hungry, but when i reached coro, it became thirsty. haha, bought some fruits, a 1 litre bottle of ntuc oranged juice, etc. cheap marh. also bought a pack of instant noodles. on special marh. haha, walked back. finished half a bottle of the oranged juice. wanted to finish all, but later realised full alreay. walked past hc. saw some people at the central plaza and flag poles. then saw the fountain. heiz, poor councillors. and walked past tchs also. the tower block is so beautiful! much more grand than the nanyang one. may be because it's higher up on the top of the slope, where nanyang one is just on the flat land. hard to believe i even had studied in a classroom in the towerblock. sweet memories there.

today got up, and nearly did nothing. browse through the 数理化词典 brought from china. haha, so interesting, especially the org part. like -OH is 羥基, etc. all the names very funny. also le chartelier's principle, what 勒查德利原理, and the description is just half the length of the english version. math also, funny funny terms. then read through yesterday's notes. feel better now.

later will go nus for meeting with a professor their, for the what 'math research programmed'. not so enthu, but since our group gets 强人 like 华嘉， 丛林， and 志鹏 (that 7b guy topped in physics in bt) just slack a bit marh, hehe.

dunno wat happened to my com, cunt get internet access and cunt recognise lan settings. have to use my friend's com instead.

this moring had chem olympiad. the lecturer was a new teacher, and this was his first lecture!! haha, he only prepared the notes 3 o'clock this morning!! must be in a hurry. later the clustermaster of A3L in the hostel (also a new teacher in tchs) told me the lecturer was actually a friend of his!! singapore is so small!! iahk don't argue with me on this anymore, hor...

the lecture was easy to understand, a-level stuff marh, but don't know wat mr pang's lecture would be like. we covered alcohol, aldehyde, ketone, acyl halides, carboxyl acid, amine and amino acid today, so have a big problem rememering all those reactions. but in principle, nucleuphile attack electrophile, blah, blah, hehe, tried one so called olympiad question. not so difficult. haha, maybe the first Q of the whole paper, or the candidates will be too demoralized. also encourtered mr ng's famous zwitterion, dunno whether spelt correct. haha, just the conjugate base of amino acid marh, why give such a strange name!!!

went to school at 8:15. wanted to study in the library first, but library not open till 9! how can they shun a librarian out like that! 真没��, coz the notice wrote 'library open from 8 to 12 on school holidays'. must complain to sn some more.

talking of library. last night we librarians went to wh... forget how to spell, to help out in their MAF celebration. i was the tour guide for the children, to lead them to the different stations for games. aha, actually zengwei was in front, so strictly speaking im the follower! we started off with 30 plus kid, by the end only 20 plus. horrible right!! now realised how annoying i am when i was a kid, haha. a lot of 34 people went there. me, zw, sn, bf, kq. yarr, and kq joined library for one night. i think her 'auntieish' friend or sn 'forced' her to come, haha, at least get cip hour!!! we have 3 dollars for dinner, one pencil case + sharpener + pencils and 4-5 hours of cip. the pencil thingy was the gifts for the games. but since many left, the organizers just gave us. quite nice, and very cute, yeah, yeah.

also last night one of the organisers there told me he thought i was a local until i opened my mouth to speak mandarin. dunno. am i that 'localised' or are the other prcs too 'delocalised'? sheesh, i think i'm too obssessed with chem already. but seriously i'm considering doing chem in U. back on track, i cunt have any comments on that. maybe it's because i was the only prc guy wearing sandals and casual shorts? (excluding zengwei's pe shorts) or it's because of the new hairstyle my guardian trimmed for me?

regarding my hair. many prcs find it... how to say? strange? they don't think it suits me. they say im very guai and this hairstyle is to outrageous for me. my guardian said he thought i was too guai and want to have a difference. (in case u dunno my kind guardian cut hair for me, saving me 8 dollars every few weeks) but the locals seldomly comment on my hair! at least in front of me lah. a few even say that's cute. dunno. maybe cute have many meanings? am i that guai? i hate to shave, u know, coz i think my beard and mustache a part of my body so why remove them? but then why i cut my hair? cunt be justified this way. or rather, i think shaving is only for the adults. i know i'll reach 18 in 2 and a half month time but i don't want to grow up. i'm just unsured about the adult world. and i don't think i look that good without my mustache. will be like those �白脸 then. maybe i'm just not used to tt? tt will be a great difference. singapore's sun tanned my arms and legs, but never tanned my face. haiz.

yup, quite long already. have to do a bit of work. org chem is fun!?

downloaded some midi, but don't know how to put on. i'm just it idot, maybe, only know how to play games and burn CD? aha, anyway those midi are not tt good, except one or two. want to download some software which can convert mp3 to midi. get one but required registration ans series code, or only can covert 21 seconds. what a pity. i have a nice nice eyes on me piano mp3. should sound fantastic when converted to midi and put on. nvm. things will work out themselves.

today woke up at 10+. not in the mood to do anything. gonna do cip in the evening. haiya better do something in the afternoon or the whole day will be fruitless. cunt watch jin qu jiang tonight liao.

things to do in holiday:
1. SRP report
2. Chem halogenoalkanes, tutorial
3. Reading Physics of Fluid booklet
4. Reading Serway book for physics olympiad selection test
5. Reading Chem books related to olympiad topics
6. Reading up organic chem on alkanes, alkenes, acyl halides, alrenes, entrophy...
7. TKD training on Wed
8. Probable visit to NUS for MRP in MAC
9. SAT vocab, GP compo and compre skills, time tunnel
10. PW evaluation for resources (written), browse through newsweek for iraq related articles
11. Refine written report
12. Revise for block test, esp physics: gravitation, circular motion, SHM; chem: chemical bonding
F. math: vector, complex numbers, differentiation, trigo...

others:
play basketball/football
watch holland village
sleep
keep my blog

holiday sux
i'm think of not going to MAF. if i go i'll probably go alone, but i don't want.
feeling very blue
my favourite colour

it's not impossible to finish all the tasks. but that's the kind of life i don't want to live.

i just want to lie on my bed, close my eyes, listening to the music, blueish music.
then i can daydream, like getting all A s for promo... get tkd black belt... qualify for badminton team...

i'm scared of future. i fear the unknown.

don't know why i have to come to the earth, and don't know where i'm going to.

let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be...

don't know what song it is

【天蠍座（SCORPIO）10/23-11/21】
　　守护星：冥王星(象徵转变)
　　守护神：希腊－普鲁特罗马－黑底斯
　　最适合的星座：双鱼座、巨蟹座、摩羯座、处女座
　　正面特质：持续力强、权威、迎接挑战、爱恨分明、敏感
　　负面特质：多愁善感、隐藏、冷酷无情、毁灭、钻牛角尖
　　天蠍星星：李雨寰、陈升、年少阿铭、陶晶莹、蓝心湄、陈国华
　　
　　
　　建议歌曲：杨乃文_MONSTER
　　他爱你美丽也害你可怜/他想要诚实却常说谎言/他把你解放/
　　只为他狂野/他让你为他彻底地改变/他实在太危险/
　　你想不想/他都在身边/你要不要/他都会出现/
　　你爱不爱/已经不重要/你受不了/你也逃不掉/He’s a monster/
　　他喂你吃糖果也喂你吃毒药/他把自己变成唯一的解药/
　　他让你心痛却还死不掉/他为你心痛却不为你治疗/he’s a monster
　　
　　
　　天蠍座的感情爱恨分明，非但爱一个人要爱到底，也希望对方给予相同待遇。
　　他超级的占有欲是相当吓人的。
　　蠍子一但将对方视为生命中一部份，就会专情且誓死守护，不妥协地坚持己爱，不过谁若狠狠伤了他们的心那就要相当的小心了，因为在他敢爱敢恨的天性里，不是朋友；就是敌人

hope this one is less messy.

someone told me she found my blog just now. stunned for a few seconds, but realised the moment i decided to blog, i should have expected it to be seen. haha, quite exciting. i'm more worried about my messy template than what i've blogged. did i write something sensitive or such? hope not. just leave it here.

pw sux